Hip hop dead? Yeah right…
My boy Nas recently released his album in which he declares that “hip hop is dead.” Now I think we can all appreciate his sentiment here, but he’s certainly going overboard. Both he and Jay-Z have recently released albums that are doing well, and a host of other rappers are cleaning up at the bank as well. Now, knowing Nas, he’s not talking about the money, because he’s always into some deep ish that nobody can decipher. But even assuming that, we have no shortage of interesting talent, both old and new, with deep philosophical outlooks on finance, life, and love. Consider:
Lil’ Wayne
You catch my girl legs open betta smash that dont be surprised if she asked where the cash at —intro to “Where the Cash at?” by Lil’ Wayne ft. Remy Ma & Currency
See, he’s so deep I can’t figure out what the hell he’s talking about. Does “smash that” refer to pulverizing one’s animalistic urges for the sake of maintaining control of one’s financial status? Is he suggesting that his girl is a known gold-digger and he’s warning us out of the goodness of his heart? Or is he suggesting that we should fulfill our urges, and if we do happen to catch his significant other with her legs apart, it’s okay to “smash that?” With this interpretation, the second line simply means “just be prepared for what’s coming.”
The other interpretation is that he’s a pimp, and that no matter how smooth we are, we’re ultimately mice running around in a maze of his choosing. You go to a party, you think you’re smooth, but really, Lil’ Wayne and his crew have their hos on every street corner to catch the unsuspecting dumbass. In this light, the title of the song makes much more sense, as a mini-manual to the methods of “hustlin’.” Truly, Lil’ Wayne and his cohorts are being too generous to us, letting us know the tricks of the trade. Maybe someday, I will start my own corporation, with my women spread-eagle in every American home, and I will ask you “where the cash at?”
More importantly, who the hell calls himself Currency?
But anyway, prepare yourself for some true insight:
Mims
“This is why I’m hot, this is why I’m hot, this is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot… I’m hot cuz I’m fly, You ain’t cuz you not, This is why, this is why, this is why I’m hot…” —Mims, “This is why I’m hot”
I think this entire verse by Mims is genius. You may not realize the genius immediately, but let my in-depth analysis lead you in the right direction. First, notice the entire lack of an antecedent for the pronoun “this.” He keeps alluding to some reason to justify his “hotness,” but his only reference to it is a daggling pronoun. I believe he does that for a reason. See, he knows that his image and style, manufactured by the record labels, affords him great wealth and what appears to be respect from the populace, but it lacks real substance. Knowing this, he has used this song to highlight his struggle for identity in a world of masculine posing and materialism.
His frustration with the system culminates in the internally logical but ultimately meaningless statements “I’m hot cuz I’m fly, You ain’t cuz you not,” suggesting that the world in which he lives has no meaning outside of its individual context. It is an extraordinary piece of circumlocution, allowing him to convince himself of its truths while not really committing himself in any manner whatsoever. In anger and frustration, he repeats the mantra again and again, convincing himself and urging himself to a self-inflicted brainwash. Mims presents himself as a casualty in the war to find an identity in the rap world, and this song is his love letter to the world.
Brave, brave soul…but finally, the bravest soul of all:
R. Kelly
In recent news, R. Kelly was allowed to skip his court date for rape charges due to an appendicitis. Poor guy, having to go through all these health troubles and the horrible, false accusations that he defiled a young woman by urinating upon her. Yet, as if to clear himself of all wrong-doing and say, “How could I possibly do such a thing?,” R. Kelly has contributed a few verses to the remix of “Make it Rain” by Fat Joe. See? R. Kelly is so convinced that you’ll believe in him and his innocence that he doesn’t try to avoid songs that might be controversial. See this uplifting verse that in no way whatsoever suggest a fantasy of launching bodily fluids onto a member of the opposite sex:
You see I order one bottle, then I fuck with one model Then I order more bottles, now I got more models I’m from that city where them niggaz don’t play man I take a chick to my room like caveman So ask your girlfriend my name, I bet she’ll go “Skeet skeet skeet, Weatherman ‘bout to make it rain!” —R. Kelly, “Make It Rain” remix
R. Kelly displays his excellent range here. He begins with a wonderful math/logic game. It seems like perfect textbook material:
“Robert had one bottle and was able to use this to fuck with one model, using up the entire bottle in the process. Assuming that Robert does not alter the rate at which he uses bottles to fuck with models, what will happen when Robert orders more bottles?” (Answer at bottom of blog entry)
After his wonderful math lecture, R. Kelly continues by making a statement of his pride in his hometown (Chicago). See, in Chi-town, we are told, his people “don’t play.” There’s something serious going on there that doesn’t happen elsewhere. He elaborates: “I take a chick to my room like caveman.” See? R. Kelly is not only a mathematician and a treasured son of the city of Chicago, but also an anthropologist. He’s such a well-trained anthropologist that he can simulate the activities of early man. Can you do that? That’s what I thought. R. Kelly is your superior and you need to bow down.
Finally, R. Kelly reveals yet another talent, for he’s a meteorologist, the “Weatherman,” the ladies call him. What can’t this man do?
Look at your piddly life and see what you’re good at. Notice how he trumps you at everything. Hell, he had Aaliyah when she was fourteen or something. You know “Age Ain’t Nothin But A Number” must have been about him. You lose. Robert wins. I believe I can fly…
Conclusion
With that kind of star power, hip hop can’t possibly be dead. I’m sorry Nas, looks like you’re wrong this time.
Answer: He gets more models. Furthermore, according to my calculations, Robert’s ability to fuck with models is directly proportional to his ability to obtain bottles. I have drawn a graph to demonstrate this phenomenon.
Saturday, February 10th, 2007 : Music, Humor, Current Events : No Comments
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