The only explanation: dumb white men

Beyonce got the coveted cover spot in the new Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and men are apparently up-in-arms over it. They’re cancelling subscriptions, sending nasty letters to the editor, and doing various other shenanigans to show their disaproval at Sports Illustrated’s choice of a covergirl.

Huh? See, when I first heard about the enormous press over this, I ignored it all, assuming that it was about how great it was that a beautiful, full-bodied, black woman was on the cover of a magazine typically dedicated to translucent waifs and the occasional slightly brownish one, who would of course be dubbed “exotic.” Sure, she has more cellulite on her thighs than most of the bikini models in the magazine…but she’s real. I don’t care that she can’t lay off the donuts, she’s hot. On the time-honored man-scale-of-hotness, “I’d hit it.”

She’s not even fat! I don’t understand what anybody could complain about. For most men, the Swimsuit Edition is the opportunity for a piece of legitimate near-porn for their magazine collection that’s less sketchy than collecting back issues of the Victoria’s Secret catalog. If it’s a wanking these men need, how could this (look below) not do it for them?

So I proceeded to do some research, and what I found out was shocking. Judge Clark Brown agrees:

Here’s an excerpt from somebody’s forum post:

“Outraged Sports Illustrated readers are flooding the SI offices with angry phone calls and emails demanding subscription cancellations. The furor erupted after Sports Illustrated’s celebrated annual “Swimsuit Issue” hit the stands with Beyonce on the cover and an inside shot of a smug Kanye West gripping a models derriere. …Some of these guys have been subscribing to Sports Illustrated for years just so they can get the Swimsuit Issue before it hits the stands. This is like blasphemy to most of them who don’t know who Beyonce or Kanye are. A local newspaper reporter who asked not to be identified said, “So many women grew up identifying with the models in the Swimsuit Issue. They don’t see themselves in Beyonce. SI has made a mockery of their core demographic with this issue….”

What is up with these people? She got voted “most desirable woman” this year, so surely white men can finally find a black woman worthy of their fantasies, and white women can just once let someone else have a star with whom to identify. You know the men wish they could get a piece of that ass, but be damned if they’d admit it.

But I still couldn’t believe it, I needed it straight from the horse’s mouth. So as part of my research, I tried to find one of these complaints, and here we have Hollywoodtuna. My favorite part is when he comes to the conclusion that Beyonce clearly paid off everybody to get the spot, because she has a “less than perfect body.”

Are we trying to make all our young girls anorexic, or is that too far-reaching of me? Maybe the real reason is a bit more realistic, and we’re just trying to backtrack on that horrendous “black is beautiful” movement. We wouldn’t want them coloured folk having self-esteem or success, would we?

Monday, February 19th, 2007 : Current Events : No Comments

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